In my last executive role, before starting out as a coach, I was the deputy CEO of a national charity. In this role, I had a supportive boss in the CEO, good peer support from the rest of the executive team and strong direct reports with whom I could have open and honest conversations.

I was lucky, as there was a collaborative culture in the organisation and I didn’t feel lonely.

That’s not to say there weren’t moments when I was leading on priorities which were outside of my experience and comfort zone and when I felt as if all eyes were on me. I was nervous as to whether I was on the right track at such times and discovered that talking to your boss or colleagues in these situations can feel uncomfortable: How are they going to judge me and my ability to lead and deliver, particularly if I am a bit uncertain myself?

I also recall a time 20 years ago when I was less senior as a management consultant, sent on a client project to Copenhagen to write a procurement strategy for a recently privatised telecoms business. I had never written a procurement strategy or worked in telecoms, and I was on my own. To say I was out of my depth was an understatement and I felt alone.

I wasn’t at “the top”, but neither was there anyone else there to support me.

My natural style is to be open and collaborative, and it has served me well over the years (as I recall, I was quite open and collaborative with Google in Copenhagen!).

However, what I discovered (what we all discover) is that as you progress in your career and move up the ladder there are fewer people as you get to the top,so fewer people you can confide in, and the decisions you are making may be highly sensitive and need careful management.

So, thinking about who you can tap into to get honest feedback, bounce ideas off and talk through your fears is key to creating a secure space to develop personally and shape your thinking for your organisation’s future.

Coaches offer a great way to access that secure space. The coach, by nature of the role, signs up for a confidential relationship in which the client can bring whatever they need to discuss to the table.

Mentors can play a similar role to a coach, but typically advise the client on what their options may be based on their own experience, whereas a coach comes from a mindset that the client has the answers or can find them if supported to do so.

I have also seen strong peer networks such as a charity CEOs group that would meet socially, but with an understanding that what was discussed stayed within the group. If the topics discussed at such events didn’t include managing difficult trustees, responding to serious budget challenges and potential charity mergers I would be very surprised.

There is also a case for asking whether my organisation is as collaborative as it could be to encourage honest feedback, generate ideas and foster constructive challenge. If not, the next question should be what can I do about that before necessarily looking for support externally?  

See my earlier blog on building psychological safety in your team for more on this.

Over the past 12 months, I have worked with several senior leaders who come to coaching considering how they are perceived by their peers and via direct reports, wanting to explore what this means for them and how it influences how they show up authentically as leaders. I enjoy these sessions, as clients often reveal genuine vulnerability in their willingness to explore how they can be better leaders when they are open to feedback and encouraged to think more deeply on the topic (this work can be particularly effective when supported with 360 feedback).

So, if you are feeling a little alone or isolated in your role, think about who you may reach out to that you can trust as a confidante and how you might approach them.

As always, if this blog has raised any questions for you, please get get in touch.